A nerd was walking on campus one day when his friend, another nerd, rode up on an incredible shiny new bicycle.The first nerd was stunned and asked, "Where did you get such a nice bike?"
The second nerd replied, "Well, yesterday I was walking home minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up to me on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, 'take what you want!'"
The first nerd nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice. The clothes probably wouldn't have fit."
Yo Mama's so fat, Christopher Columbus claimed her as the new world.
Yo Mama's so stupid she used a real mouse to use the computer.
Yo Mama's so fat, when she backs up she beeps.
Yo Mama so fat, when she walked in front of the TV I missed 3 commercials!
I wish I was your derivative so I could lie tangent to your curves.
Chuck Norris' hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.
What did the blonde say when she saw the sign in front of the YMCA?
"Look! They spelled MACY'S wrong!"
Yo mama so hairy Bigfoot is taking her picture!
Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life there.
Q: How many blonde jokes are there?
A: One. The rest are all true stories.
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first one orders a beer. The second orders half a beer. The third, a quarter of a beer. The bartender says "You're all idiots", and pours two beers.
How do you know there's a Polack at a cockfight?
There's a duck in the ring.
How do you know there's an Italian at that cockfight?
Someone bet on the duck.
How do you know the mafia's at that cockfight?
The duck wins.
How do you sink a Polish battleship? Put it in water.
A bear walked into a bar and says, "I'll have a beer...... and some of those peanuts." The bartender asked, "Why the big pause?"
